right now im pouting... but id tell you how my day went.
kay, this was offically the first time i stepped outside since last wednesday. it was just me and my pops. we went to waterford's target. i pampered myself and bought this cute light pink shirt and some make up. Yes I'm a fashion and a make up freak too. Mind me not.
Anyway, after that we went out to eat Pizza Hut. I was hyped because they have the most delicious salad bar ever. I got me a big bowl of salad. My dad had some salad and this p'zone. (I don't really like pizza.) Our conversation at dinner was mostly about how ignorant my grandma became right after my grandpa died. His carved plate isn't even at the cemetary and he died two months ago! Since me and my dad are jobless, my grandma refused to help us even when my dad kindly asked for help. If grandpa was still alive, I would be living slightly in better comfort. My grandma even hung up on my dad last night and she told me to tell him that she changed the locks on the door. She's literally pissing me off.
After the eating, we went on a driving stroll along side the beach of New London. It was beautiful. I was looking at the water and how much they provided traquility - I started to day dream about stuff - I'm not sure if I can quite grasp. Then we got to downtown and we passed the bus/train station where Lynnsay and I picked up Kejuan in a apologic hurry. I was thinking about Kejuan and how bad I felt he had to stay there waiting for hours and was losing hope =X But we got him alright.
I was also thinking about Lynnsay. She is my first friend I ever really hung out with. And ever since I left her house, I haven't heard from her and there's something I wanted to do to her was to apologize for what happened that weekend. I felt so bad. I just - I blamed myself all week for that. If you are reading this girl, I'm so sorry. I miss you!
At downtown, I saw me some cute brothas, they were trying to holla but I turned my back at them. I had a man, was no need to go and say what's up. I know what I want, damn it, at least - I hope.
On the way, we decided to visit our loving grandpa. I was standing where he was buried two months ago. I wanted to cry. Just picturing him in a coffin, resting. Better yet, I was picturing him in heaven, smiling down at me and my dad because we are the ONLY people that visit him. Me and my dad agreed that we have not yet grasped the reality that he is gone. I still haven't realized he's gone. At the viewing and the funeral - never at once I believed it was my own grandpa. Of course, I shed so many tears that day but I was simply in denial. =( I miss you gramps.
On the way home, my dad was pissing me off. I was in such a happy mood and started being all smiley or just laughing over good memories. It ticked him off. He was all pissy and I'm like ugh why the fuck do you always have to ruin my mood?! I told him he needed to take some happy pill - that got him laughing - that was a good thing - at least, lol.
Now, I'm home. At ease. I just wish there was some cool cats here to kick the night with. I wanna play basketball but unfortunately I don't think nobody has game around here, lol.
There's something that saddens me right now. A while ago, my dad just told me that college doesn't even look good for me. See, the state was going to pay $11,000 and I was going to add up my scholarships of $9,000. To pay for the whole college year cost $18,000. I was all set. Well I was wrong. Now they are going to pay me only $789. And I only have $9,000. I'm losing hope at this point. Kenneis is telling me there is hope and I should not stop looking for something because if I stop - I have failed. =( This sucks.